Scenes We'd Like To See: Series 12, Episode 11
The following is a guide to the Scenes We'd Like To See topics and suggestions made in the eleventh episode of the twelfth series. Key * HD - Hugh Dennis * MJo - Milton Jones * SW - Seann Walsh * AP - Andy Parsons * JW - Josh Widdicombe * MJu - Miles Jupp Topics Unlikely small ads AP '''- Do you want a larger penis? Beach volleyball, tonight on BBC1. '''MJu - For sale: Four hundred jars of mayonnaise. Would suit the sort of person who's not that fussed by best before end dates. JW - For sale: One pack of Polos. Unopened, mint condition. HD - Sperm donors wanted. Please come quickly. MJu - For sale: Horse. Would make excellent pet or pâté. SW - Wanted: Someone to kill my dad so I have an X Factor backstory. MJo - Lost, boomerang, last Thursday, somewhere oh wait it's coming back to me now. AP '''- For sale: Dwarf jacuzzi. Could also be used as a foot spa. '''HD - For vasectomy, liver suction and all small cosmetic operations, call Phil the overambitious tree surgeon. MJo - Cleaning lady, £8 per hour or until lady is clean. SW '- Wanted: spessing lissons. '''AP '- Do you want your house to smell nice and spice up your sex life? Then why not try Glade Butt Plug-Ins. '''JW - Goodbye dad, rest in peace. And perhaps if you hadn't gambled away all our money, this would be in obituaries. HD - Wanted: New subject for Scenes We'd Like To See. Unlikely Things To Hear On Crimewatch AP '''- The police have said it's OK for the public to approach the gunman as he's sawn off the wrong end of the shotgun. '''MJo - Hopkins has committed various food hygiene offences and there is now a Bounty on his head. HD - And now a case of Grand Theft Auto. Someone has stolen the case of my Grand Theft Auto. AP '''- The victim was marched to the cash-point and made to draw out £300. That's the last time he forgets his wife's birthday. '''MJu - Goodnight and remember, don't shave white bears. No that's not it. MJo - We believe the occult to be involved in this crime. This is the victim's phone and the last number is 666. Hang, on it's upside down. JW - Were you at... No I fucked that... Were you at Yates-- oh my god that's a difficult one Andy: Yes! Josh: Were you in Weatherspoons? HD - A computer fraudster this week got away with 9 million nectar points. Police are looking for a disappointed man with one new wine glass. MJo - Well that's all we've got time for on Crimewatch. We've talked about some serious things. But remember, don't have--- BLAAA!!!! HD - Sometimes victims of crime don't even know they've been robbed because they use the items taken so infrequently. Take Dara O'Briain. Burglars stole his legs six months ago. JW - Were you at Yates wine lodge at... Unbelievable, genuinely unbelievable. SW '- Were you at Yates' wine lodge? I don't bloody believe it. I can't believe my bloody eyes. '''AP '- Well we've filed that post office robbery. They charged me £4.50 to send a parcel second class. '''JW - This afternoon, £10,000 worth of cocaine was stolen. Can whoever took it put it back in my dressing room? SW '''- No, I don't know who took it. You know I don't. '''MJu - Well, we hope that reconstruction jogged a few memories. If not, well, we've needlessly killed four more people. Category:Scenes We'd Like To See